Don't Be the Bunny
by TalaDentro
Summary: Not really a crossover - I just use one of the songs from Urinetown. No pairing. Voldemort wants to have a chat with Harry.


**Song: Don't Be the Bunny**

**Pairing: None**

**Disclaimer: Don't Own**

**Beta: FirstLaugh-LastTears**

_I am_…thoughts

_I am_…letter.

* * *

Harry glared at the letter suspiciously. Why on earth would Voldemort be sending him a letter? He cast a few spells on it to detect any dark magic but they found nothing. He opened it gently.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_Despite our many years of knowing each other, I feel that we do not truly "know" each other. I propose a little get together at my place so that you might see what I'm really about. Bad press and your parents aside, I'm really not all that bad a guy. By the way, this letter will become a portkey two minutes after you remove it from the envelope._

_Seeing you soon,_

_Voldemort._

_Goddammit!_ Harry thought furiously, feeling a small tug behind his navel. With a whoosh! He was gone. He landed hard on his butt in the middle of a large room filled with Death Eaters. Sitting on a throne just in front of him, was the man himself.

"Hello Harry."

"Tom."

The snake like face grimaced. "Please don't call me that."

"Look would you just tell me why I'm here?"

"To discuss my views. You've only ever heard them second hand. I figure, if you hear them from the source you might change your mind about me and maybe even join my side, become my heir? Hmmm?"

"I doubt it. My mother was a muggle born. A muggle born you killed."

"I do apologize for that. Still, with your permission, I would like to explain."

"Fine whatever."

"Muggles." Voldemort scoffed. "Muggles are weak, pathetic fools, as are muggle borns and half-bloods. They're like a bunch of bunnies."

"Bunnies?"

"Yes. Allow me to be more specific, create a few scenarios for you."

Harry sighed, but waved his hand, "Go on, go on. I'll listen.

Voldemort nodded and began, "A little bunny in the meadow is nibbling grass without a care. He's so delightful as he clip-clops for you." He said in a sickly sweet voice. "You say, 'Hi, bunny!' and he stops for you. You shout 'Avada Kedavra!' and he drops for you!" Voldemort gave a malicious sounding laugh and continued. "Goodbye, bunny-boo! Hello, rabbit stew! Get me, boys?"

The Death Eaters all shouted in unison. "You tell 'im boss!"

"So what I'm trying to say to you Harry is simply; don't be the bunny. Don't be the stew. Don't be the potion – you have better things to do! That's why it's funny. So take your cue and don't be the bunny!"

Harry stared at him incredulously. "But we're talking about people! Not animals."

Voldemort gave him an almost fond look, "People are animals, Harry dear."

"Animals with huge incisors and big floppy feet?"

"Look closely and you'll see them. I do. I see them…everywhere." Voldemort's eyes swept the room suspiciously, as though he expected a muggle to jump out from behind one of the Death Eaters. "A little bunny at a toll booth needs a measly fifteen sickles. Our little bunny didn't plan ahead." Voldemort poked out his bottom lip. Harry shook his head; it was so odd to see a snake pout.

"Poor bunny simply hasn't got the bread." Voldemort continued. "He begs for mercy but gets Azkaban instead. Hufflepuff's in bliss as the bunny gets the kiss! See the moral, people?"

The Death Eaters all shouted, "Clear as day, boss!"

Harry wondered how they did that. Maybe they'd rehearsed beforehand.

"Don't be the bunny. Don't be the dope. Don't be the loser. You're much better than that, Harry!" Voldemort cried. "You're born to power! You're in the money! So my advice to you is simply; don't be the bunny!"

"That doesn't make any sense. Tollbooths are muggle, you'd pay with muggle money not sickles, and why would someone who broke a muggle law be sent to Azkaban? Why would Hufflepuffs be happy about a bunny losing its soul? That sounds more like a Syltherin thing. And a little bunny at a tollbooth?"

"You heard me."

"But bunnies don't drive cars."

"Oh, don't they?"

"No, actually, I don't think they do."

"Live long enough, Harry dear, you see…many things."

"Well you should know. You're close to eighty aren't you?"

"My age is not the point. My point is that in life you see many an odd thing. For example; a little bunny in a shoe box."

"A shoe box this time?"

"Yes. He thinks he's found a brand new home. So snug and cozy on your closet floor. Now, what's that bunny in my closet for? With a mallet and some clippers, you find out: new bunny slippers! Grasp the message, faithful followers?"

"Right behind you, boss!" Though this time Harry noted that a few of them were a bit off beat.

"Don't be the bunny." One Death Eater that sounded suspiciously like Lucious Malfoy shouted.

"Don't be the shoe!" Another one added, though Harry didn't recognize this voice.

"You don't get stepped on-" McNair maybe?

Voldemort finished, "No, the one who steps is you!"

Voldemort stood and, along with all the Death Eaters, surrounded Harry. They pressed in close, Harry shrunk in on himself. They were uncomfortably close to his bubble!

Voldemort and Death Eaters started to sing, "You're stepping up to where it's sunny!"

Harry stared at them wide-eyed. _What the hell?_ He sighed, _oh well; at least they're in tune._

"Step on the poor! Kick the Mudbloods! Don't be the bunny!" Voldemort pulled out his wand. "Don't be the bunny! Don't be the bunny!"

The singing, _at least it didn't last long _Harry thought snidely, ended and Voldemort pointed his wand at Harry's heart. "Poor bunny Harry. I'm afraid this is the end. Avada-"

But Harry was ready for him. "Stupefy maximus!"

They all froze. Harry stood and left the circle. "You people are crazy and I don't do sing-alongs. Sorry Voldieshorts otherwise known as Tom Marvolo Riddle, half-blood, or should I say bunny? Son of muggle Tom Riddle and Squib Merope Gaunt. I'm going back to Dumbledore."


End file.
